4th times the charm

Simply put, I am not much of a talker. But lately I have this feeling that I need to connect. That maybe someone out there might need to hear this and know they aren't alone. I am in my twenties. A mother to one of the most beautiful little girls you could ever meet. I have had 3 miscarriages, all of them in 7 months and 2 before Moo turned 1. I guess that is why I feel compelled to share this. I felt alone and like I somehow had failed in the biggest way. Just found out last Saturday that we are now expecting again. For the weekend my husband couldn't look at me, make eye contact. Just caught some glances of worry on his face. We finally talked about it last night and he's afraid I'll lose it. I can feel the hysteria creeping in my edges. The worry that it's gonna happen again. All I can think to myself is 'this is it'. I know I'll lose it. I barely made it through the last one but everyday I get to look at this amazing 2 year old and  hope.